Uhm… Yeah… Sure… Whatever

After my weighty missive yesterday I wasn’t sure whether I should post something serious again today or perhaps something a bit lighthearted instead. After a bit of thought I decided to go with something a bit less intellectual. However that brings me to another crossroads. Do I post something funny? Something heartwarming? Satire perhaps? The choices are endless, and as of this sentence I am still unsure which direction I shall take. It would help if I knew where my head was at, but unfortunately I don’t. It’s been an extremely odd week, full of extreme highs and almost debilitating lows. No wonder I am in somewhat of a daze. My life shouldn’t be this exciting. Dammit I’m Too Old For This Crap!!

Anyways, back on topic. What to write, what to write, what to write…..

I’m in a weird mood, not too sure why, I just know that I am. Perhaps it is lack of adult interaction, being cooped up with kids for weeks on end does take it’s toll on a person. Unfortunately there isn’t much I can do about it seeing as how I am extremely anti-social. However aversion to social interaction does have it’s advantages as it keeps me away from asshats. That in and of itself is a pretty big plus in my book. I know I am babbling, I just can’t think of anything worth writing about. So on that note I will close out this entry with some music which I hope you find enjoyable….

Blood Sports, Animals, God and Stomachs

“Man is by nature a political animal.”

~Aristotle

Politics rule every aspect of our lives, but not politics as you may think of them

“Politics is a blood sport.”

~Aneurin Bevan

There is always a winner and a loser in politics, never a tie, never a middle ground, someone always ends up battered and bruised

“Although he’s regularly asked to do so, God does not take sides in American politics. “

~George J. Mitchell

While there are politics in religion, religion has no role in politics

“An empty stomach is not a good political adviser. “

~Albert Einstein

One should never base their stance on what they crave, rather what they are willing to achieve

A Philosopher, a Politician, a Pundit and a Physicist. An interesting collection to say the least. Normally these four men are not thought of as contemporaries, at least not in a grouping that is. However each one is brilliant in their own right and has impacted countless people in countless ways. For me the words, and in some cases far more than that, of these four men have impacted me both personally, as well as in the formation and continual evolution of my politics. To some extent I believe that expounding upon their words and actions can have a direct role in our creation of the better world they all worked for if only we were to take them to heart and put them into action. If people would just take the time, look around themselves, make the effort to change what they see wrong with society this world would be a far better place. Unfortunately all too often complacency and apathy reign supreme. The individual has lost faith in their ability to enact meaningful change. They are taught strength only comes in numbers, that standing alone is bad, is somehow wrong. Independent thought is never wrong as long as it is used for the execution of good. Not good for the individual, good for humanity, for society, for all. So what can we take from these words? What can we learn from these men? There are many possible interpretations, what follows are mine…

Aristotle

“Man is by nature a political animal.”

~Aristotle

Politics is life, literally. It surrounds us, encompasses every aspect of our lives. We encounter and/or are immersed in political situations every single day. However for my statement to make sense one must first expand their understanding of what politics means in the context I use. I am not referring to politics in the framework of our government, rather I use it to describe how we interact as a unit with others. Whether it be a family, professional, educational, religious, or a societal unit, it doesn’t matter.  When Aristotle speaks of man being a political animal, I take that to describe the aforementioned interactions which take place within a specific group of people. The problem lies in the fact that the majority of society is under the belief that politics does not apply to them unless they are casting a ballot, which unfortunately leads them to the belief that they are unqualified to comment or take action in regards to politics at a higher level. This attitude has to change. People need to take what they have learned in their everyday lives and begin to apply it to bigger and better things. We need to use our individual skills and talents to influence those who make the policies which affect us all. Until we do, we will continue down the same broken road which has led us to where we are now.

Aneurin Bevan

“Politics is a blood sport.”

~Aneurin Bevan

Building on what I discussed in my analysis of the previous quote, it is clear to see how Bevan’s words are applicable to our interactions if one examines the quote, rather than taking it at face value. The phrase blood sport calls to mind an image of intense fighting with the single-minded goal of victory over ones opposition, a take no prisoners mentality. I then think, how often do we see this in society, in business, in our lives? Our students exhibit this in their chase for valedictorian, our athletes in their quest for the top of the podium. Humans are competitive animals no buts about it. However how we manifest this competitiveness is what defines us as an individual. Competitiveness is a good thing, for without it there is no challenge, without challenge there is no growth, without growth we simply stagnate, wither, and eventually die. It bothers me to no end to see how many segments in society have deemed competition to be bad. Rather those segments believe that fairness should trump all. These are the same people who hand out ribbons for participation instead of accomplishment, deem letter grades mean, think dodge ball is bullying and feel that merit plays no role in success. Yet these same people have no qualms about playing dirty and fighting tooth and nail when their narrow views are challenged. Normal? Not really. Hypocritical? Most definitely. They fail to see that competition is fair, it is rewarding the best for being the best. Competition is necessary if our society is to survive, to thrive. Politics is a blood sport, at all levels, however by pretending competition is bad we are hindering those who will eventually compete in our names, we are creating a populace which cannot win, cannot thrive, cannot prosper.

George J. Mitchell

“Although he’s regularly asked to do so, God does not take sides in American politics. “

~George J. Mitchell

As I stated earlier in this post, religion has no place in politics, although politics is an inherent part of religion. While that may seem illogical to many, it really isn’t. Religion by definition is the service to and worship of a god, deity or other supernatural entity. Where religion has laws, tenets, dogmas, etc… politics has no deity to be worshiped and revered. As you can see the quote is pretty much spot on once you take the time to look at it with an open and rational mind. Unfortunately in today’s political and religious arenas, a rational mind seems to be the exception rather than the rule. We have politicos who try to let religion influence the rule of law, while we have politics invading our religious communities, influencing entire societal units to vote as a collective rather than an individuals. Neither is right, and both are extremely dangerous when taken to the extremes they all to often are. People need to understand that politics, at least in the majority of the western world, America included, are based in logic and reason, where compromise is a necessity, not a luxury. Whereas in religion, it is more along the lines of a dictatorship, what the leader of the flock says is law, whether it be God, Mohammad, or another deity. The ultimate goal of religion is to create a community of individuals with shared values, morals, and beliefs. Politics is all about giving the individual the structure needed to achieve their goals whether they be religious or secular. Unfortunately, far too many try to use their religious morals to influence the structure created through politics, which cannot be successful simply due to the fact that morality is subjective to the individual and their fellow believers. What is moral to one is not always moral to another. People need to stop confusing what is legally right and wrong with what is morally right and wrong. Contrary to popular belief they are not one and the same. Legalities can be legislated, morality cannot be.

Albert Einstein

“An empty stomach is not a good political adviser. “

~Albert Einstein

You often hear something described as stunning in its simplicity. That is precisely how I feel about this particular quotation from Einstein. However, I feel it is deceptive in its simplicity as well. There are so many inferences which can be taken from these nine simple words, so many lessons, so many truths about society. The most obvious intention being conveyed is one that jealously should never be the deciding factor when making a decision, a choice about ones future. Unfortunately in today society, envy and resentment are more often than not the driving factor behind the choices the individual makes. They allow their craving for what they believe another to possess manipulate them into a position dictated by the party. It saddens me that the individual lets the collective tell them that they are not qualified to reach the same heights as another without it being legislated into being. That they are somehow not good enough to succeed on their own, that they need to be handed an advantage over their equal simply because the government does not believe they are capable in their own right. Some may have a harder road to success than others, but we all have a road if we choose to take it. Letting the actions of others hold us back is nothing more than a weak excuse for laziness. Personal responsibility and accountability are NOT bad, they are the building blocks of success. Adversity makes us stronger if we choose to allow it to. Or we can be lazy and allow it to destroy our dreams. The choice is up to the individual no matter what any politician tries to tell you.

As I have shown with each of my analyses, power is in the hands of the individual, we can manifest the change we desire. We are not weak, we are not powerless. There are no limits to what we can accomplish if we put our nose to the grindstone, work together and fight for what we believe in. The question is, have people had enough of being used, manipulated, and controlled by others to throw off the shackles, put aside their preconceived bias, and work as one for the common good? Is a better world worth it to you?

Yeah….

I’m not going to be around much over the next few days, life has interfered, however I will post at the minimum a random thought if just to keep my New Years resolution.

That being said it’s been a weird few days. Had a totally amazing day followed by an extremely tiring emotional one, which was not fun to say the least. I don’t know what happened, no clue why I lost control like I did. I do know that it led to some extremely awkward situations, and that I did not like. Who knows, maybe I just need a vacation…

On that note I’m outta here, but I’ll leave you with something to listen to…

Strange Bedfellows

The election season is revving up into high gear, potential candidates are dropping like flies, rhetoric is flying, what more could a political junky ask for?

This campaign so far has been mild for the most part, the rhetoric tame, but it is clear to anyone paying attention this is simply the calm before the storm. Aside from the standard jabs at fellow prospective candidates and the man sitting in the Oval office things haven’t been too crazy yet. Unfortunately I do not foresee things staying this way. The first signs of the coming ruthlessness were first exampled in the treatment of and witch hunt to destroy Herman Cain. I find it quite ironic, no make that extremely hypocritical, that the Democrats were all over Cain like white on rice for the very same behavior they not only condoned but worshiped to a point in Bill Clinton. It was eye opening to say the least, that is if your eyes weren’t already opened to the so called party of tolerance. Now don’t get me wrong, the Republicans are just as bad when it comes to hypocrisy, especially when it comes to their attempts to enforce morality on others when they themselves have been less than stellar examples of it. How can someone claim that gay marriage defiles the sanctity of marriage when he himself has three marriages under his belt and countless episodes of cheating on his partners? Unfortunately though, Americans are so divided that they are only able to acknowledge the hypocrisy of those they oppose while turning a blind eye to the very same behavior in those they support. It shouldn’t be that way, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Hypocrisy, bigotry, moral degeneration, none are bound by partisanship, none are exclusive to one so called team or another. Constantly pointing out the foibles of those you oppose while condoning the same in those you support is the epitome of hypocrisy. How can you claim to be tolerant when you refuse to accept others right to hold a different opinion than you? How can you claim to have the moral high ground when you without fail condemn anyone, except yourself, who fails to rise to your personal standards of morality? How can you claim to be accepting, yet chastise those who refuse to believe in your personal form of what is fair, what is equal? If you are going to be outraged, so be it, just make sure your closets are clean before going after those you apparently feel are your mortal enemies. When you refuse to see the bad in those you support, while failing to acknowledge the good in those you oppose you do nothing but expose yourself as an ignoramus, a hypocrite. Nothing positive whatsoever is accomplished by this never-ending blame game, it’s nothing more than a circle jerk of epic proportions. Putting yourself above others in your own head simply because they refuse to kowtow to your narrow world view actually lowers you below them in reality. But people can’t see that, they are far too blinded by emotional rhetoric, pretty words and empty promises.

Americans need to stop looking at the world, the nation, the economy, anything and everything, through red or blue glasses. The political spectrum is wide and varied, positions come in all shades of red, blue and even purple (gasp!). Very few people can actually truthfully claim to be a liberal, a conservative, a Democrat, a Republican. They simply do so because it is ingrained behavior. Whether it is easier to affiliate than stand alone, or they are simply following the example of others they share characteristics with, they are doing a grave disservice to not only themselves, but the nation as a whole. When one refuses to take the time to educate themselves to the realities, instead relying on the opinions of their leaders, in order to make a decision, it can, and more likely than not will, have disastrous consequences. People need to stop bleating like sheep and realize that the glorious party is NOT all knowing. They need to realize not only is it possible to hold true to views which fall all over the spectrum, but normal, rational, and intelligent as well. Why we allow ourselves to be limited in our choices for whom we elect to lead us is beyond my comprehension. We as Americans would never tolerate being told we can only purchase that blue four door or this red four door, so why do we allow ourselves to be dictated to on a matter of much greater importance?

Our nation is facing a crisis few of us have had the misfortune of experiencing before, thank god. However this lack of real life experience has led to astonishing levels of ineptitude, misplaced anger, and outright gullibility. People have become so damn passive and apathetic in the good times they have forgotten that the truth is often not as it seems. This apathetic culture has led to the downfall of logical reasoning, independent thought and intelligent discourse based in actual facts rather than meaningless hearsay and opinions. It is a truly sad commentary on what was once known as The Greatest Nation In The World. We have allowed ourselves to become a nation of sheep, a nation of followers, meek, to be seen but not heard, nor taken seriously. We make excuses for everything from crime to poverty rather than working to eradicate them. We use straw men like the race card and moral outrage to further enhance our status as a laughingstock. Why? Why do we allow this to continue? Are we truly the stereotypical lazy Americans so many foreigners portray us to be?

It’s not too late, we can still turn things around. We can once again reclaim our place as Super Power, economically, socially, humanely. It’s going to take work though, hard work, difficult choices, and most of all cooperation. No more blaming the other guy. No more refusing to acknowledge views that do not march in lockstep with yours. no more pitting the reds against the blues, minorities versus majorities, poor versus rich. We are all in this together and it is far past time we started acting like it. Our elected officials as of late have prospered due to their reliance on the age old strategy of divide and conquer. As long as they keep us fighting, tearing each other down, no one gets built up, aside from the wallets of the puppet masters pulling the strings. Is that what you want? To go down in history as a once great nation which dissolved into a squabbling flock of sheep? I for one do not. I refuse to allow those elected to SERVE us to continue on this path of destruction. Thankfully I know many others like me. While we face a long and tough fight, we won’t give up, not until we change things. The question is, will you join with us or continue to mindlessly follow the flock?

One Amazing Day (part 2)

Okay, now where was I? Oh, yes, Ana’s mini-breakdown….

After doing my best to calm her, I attempted to find out just what had her so upset, but she refused to tell me. So instead I decided that possibly if I sat and worked on the problems with her she might calm down a bit. That is when it hit me, when I understood all the angst, the frustration, the tears. She didn’t get it, she was so lost as to what she was supposed to be doing it had overwhelmed her. How had I let this go on so long? Why did I not see she was struggling? Was it because I am a math geek and naturally assumed as my daughter she was too? Or was it even worse, had I pressured her so much that she was afraid to tell me she didn’t understand? Neither realization was good, and believe me, I felt like such a failure as a parent at that point. Frankly I was at a loss for what to do at the moment. There was no way we were going to accomplish anything with her as upset as she was, and she made it clear she was not open to me helping her, so I figured a break would be the best option. Around that time her father showed up. He was taking her ice skating for her birthday, which she had been looking forward to immensely, and of course my stupid ass had to bring up what had just transpired. This of course sent her into fresh waves of frustration and sobbing. It was looking pretty grim at that point. Just then the phone rang, it was my sons coach letting me know they were here so I could let Xav into the building. I sent Ana down to let him in so I could talk to her dad about what had happened without all the emotion. I had just finished explaining what was going on when they walked in, and that is when it began, the start of the next awesome event of the day.

Xav came in full of the usual teenage angst, but one look at my face he knew something was wrong and switched gears almost automatically. As he got settled I gave him a brief synopsis of what had occurred prior to his arrival so he would understand what was going on and not feel as if it involved him. Then he did the most amazing thing. My big bad teenage son called his little sister over to him, got her settled on his lap, and began to help her, to teach her, to calm her down. It was a truly awesome sight to see the patience, compassion and concern he was showing her. The fact that finals are coming up for him and he is overloaded already, yet he still took the time to console his sister. It was one of the most touching things I have ever seen. He reached her in a way I had been unable to. He was able to calm her and get her to take a fresh look at what was troubling her. Not only did he ease the obvious frustration she was feeling, but he did so in such a way that she did not feel stupid for not getting it, something I unfortunately had failed at. In that moment I realized just how blessed I am to have the children I do. They may squabble at times, fight like cats and dogs, but when the chips are down they always have each others backs. As a mom there is nothing more I could ask for than to see that connection. As you can see, even when things look bad to begin with, sometimes they turn out for the best…

Ana was now back in the high spirits of earlier in the day, for it was almost time to leave for ice skating. She had finished getting dressed to go and I asked her to go see if the UPS man was here yet with the package that was scheduled to be delivered. She had been gone longer than usual to check so her father went to check on her, and when the two of them had not returned I went to check. As I stepped out into the hallways I was greeted with the sight of a beaming mini clutching a package tightly to her chest, commenting on how heavy it was, and her dad speaking with the UPS man. After the obligatory signing for the package we all came back into the apartment. Someone cut through the packing tape and mini was now holding a brightly wrapped package all but drooling with anticipation. As she tore into the paper I was anxious to see how she would react. You see, this gift had come from a friend of mine, and was actually her Christmas present, unfortunately Amazon had it back ordered for some time. The fact that it arrived on her birthday was a blessing, especially considering how rough it had been. As soon as she had the paper partially removed her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. It was the complete full color Little House series in a case. She had been wanting it for ages. She almost gave up ice skating with her dad to stay home and read it, but I convinced her to go skating, telling her she would have time to read it when she got home.

As she left for skating, I began to contemplate the day. My first thoughts were on the package that had just arrived, sent by a friend of mine who I had met online. We’ve never met, and have only spoken once, yet he went out of his way to care about me and my kids. In my world people don’t do this, people don’t go out of their way for people like me. It was a random act of kindness that blew me away. With that realization I started to look back on the day, seeing that throughout the day I had been showered with random acts of kindness and hadn’t even noticed, hadn’t appreciated them at the time. Then it hit me, I have become far too jaded, cynical, pessimistic as of late, and I need to stop that. I need to stop looking at the glass as half full, it’s just not worth it. I need to be open with myself, my children, my friends, with everyone. I need to start embracing the joys in life rather than casting them aside as flukes.

There were still more blessings which I haven’t listed, phone calls for Ana from unexpected places wishing her the happiest of birthdays, virtual friends expressing joyful wishes for her, friends taking time out of their busy lives to brighten my day for no other reason than they could, the promise of skating lessons, I could go on and on, but I won’t. The point is, it was a truly amazing day. Sure it had some rough spots, but the simple acts of human kindness more than made up for them by correcting them. It’s days like this that make me remember for the most part people are inherently good, we simply need to open ourselves to them fully in order to embrace it.

One Amazing Day (part 1)

As anyone who has read my recent posts knows, today was my little girls tenth birthday.  We started our day with the traditional birthday breakfast our family has done since I was a kid, waffles and ice cream. Of course my little princess picked out chocolate chip waffles and mint chocolate chip ice cream. After that she got to put on one of the new outfits she got at her surprise party seeing as how at her school the students do not have to be in uniform on their birthday. As you can see, our day was off to a great start. Every event that followed just seemed to make it better and better.

We get to the bus stop and Ana is chattering away about how she is so excited to show off her new outfit to all her friends, then the bus arrives. Normally I stay there and wait for her to walk over and on to the bus before walking back home. Well today it appeared as if the driver was trying to get my attention, and once Ana had stepped aboard she came right back off and told me the driver wanted to talk to me. Of course the first thing that crossed my pessimistic mind was “What happened now? What did those little nasty kids tell the driver now?” I went over to speak with the driver as a rising sense of dread filled me. Was she going to tell me Ana was being thrown of the bus? How would I get her to school now? I went to the door and asked the driver what was going on. She proceeded to inform me that although she had moved Ana multiple times the mean girl wanna be’s had continued to mess with my daughter, and that the advice for Ana to just ignore it wasn’t working. She told me she was sick of them harassing my daughter and that she was escalating it to the school principal. After the initial shock wore off and I realized that this driver was on Ana’s side I proceeded to tell her all about the tormenting that had taken place the previous year with her old driver. So not only did the driver take the issue to the principal and make sure it was dealt with, she spoke with her supervisor about the behavior of the driver last year. Rarely do I encounter such good-hearted people, and today of all days made it feel like a double blessing.

After I got home I was so upbeat due to that little random act of kindness, I couldn’t stop smiling. Things just got better from there. Hopped on the net to check my various sites, you know the usual, facebook, wordpress, deviant, twitter, mail, etc… Made a few posts wishing my little one a happy birthday, and some other things. Logged into skype to see if a friend was there, he wasn’t, he was sleeping as usual (damn time difference), left it open, played around a bit. Eventually my friend came online (YAY) and we spent an enjoyable morning doing what we do best, driving each other nuts, lol. However it was different today for some reason. Maybe he sensed the drastic change in my demeanor from my norm, or maybe he was just having an amazing day as well. Either way, whatever it was, it was awesome. I tried to explain it to him and pretty much failed, but I think he still got it. I told him thank you because he had been gentle with me, not that it makes anymore sense as I say it here, but that’s the only way I could think of to describe it. He was gentle with me, which is not something I am used to, and it felt good, it felt sweet, and it was extremely welcome. Like I told him later this afternoon, that combined with other events of the day filled me with such a sense of contentment, something I rarely experience. I didn’t want it to end, but alas I had to pick up the mini monster lol

Left a little later to pick up Ana from the bus stop than usual simply because I was tired of cooling my heels waiting on a street corner for her bus, lol. Anyways, I got there well before she did and occupied myself listening to music. After roughly ten minutes I saw her bus coming up the street and moved to where I usually stand to cross her. As the bus rounded the corner the driver waved and had a huge smile on her face, then one of the mean girls saw me and quickly averted her eyes. I thought to myself “looks like the principal must have laid into her, about damn time”. First person off the bus was a little boy, the mean girls little brother, then the mean girl, then Ana. As Ana got off I saw the mean girl stop, smile, and say something to her. After that Ana came flying towards the corner. After I checked for traffic I had her cross to me. When she had, I asked what had been said and Ana told me that the girl had told her Happy Birthday. To say I was a bit shocked is an understatement, but I refrained from any comment other than, “that was nice of her”. As we started to walk home I asked her how her day went, her exact words were “This was the best birthday EVER!” She went on to tell me all the wonderful things that had happened to her today, and how she was looking forward to the package that UPS was scheduled to deliver today, and the fact that she was going ice skating with her dad tonight. I couldn’t have asked for a better day for her

After we got home of course there was homework so I let Ana finish telling me about her day then got her on task. As the afternoon progressed I got a bit busy making appointments and other mundane tasks, in the midst of the tedium I asked Ana to refill my glass. When she came over to me she was carrying her math book, her finger marking a page. I told her I would hold her place for her and reluctantly she gave the book over. When I attempted to open it to the marked page she all but snatched it from me, opening it to show me she was just looking up a reference at the back of the book to help her with an answer, and she closed the book. When I attempted to open it again she fought me this time which made me realize she was hiding something, so I took the book from her. After a quick scan it was quite clear why she did not want me looking. There were several missing assignments, missing assignments which I was completely unaware due to my lack of diligence. When I started to speak, what am I talking about, when I started to lecture her, she burst into hysterical sobs, That is when I realized this was much deeper than some missing assignments. I calmed her down a bit and told her we would work on then over the next few days in order to catch her up. I sent her to my room, where there are no distractions, to get started. I went to check on her a few minutes later to find tears streaming down her face. This is when I started to worry.

To be continued…..

Scary Me

Fear is a natural emotion, we all experience it at one point or another, it’s perfectly normal to be afraid. However while there are logical rational fears there are also those which fall on the opposite end of the spectrum. While fear can be healthy all too often it becomes detrimental, a crutch, a block in living ones life. Unfortunately often those irrational illogical preposterous fears are what seem to capture and hold many. Keeping them from growing, from learning, from manifesting their best selves. I myself have a ton of fears, some logical, some not. Some rational, some not. Some healthy, some not. For the most part I do not let them stop me from living my life, however sometimes things happen whether consciously or unconsciously which allows my fears to get the best of me and hold me down, keep me back.

Maybe one day I will learn to deal with my fears but until then I figured I would post some of my stranger ones in hopes of either making someone giggle, feel reassured that they aren’t the only one, or maybe in the weak hope that someone will feel the same and reassure me I’m not insane…

• I am deathly afraid of worms. While I know they can’t hurt me this one is based in trauma so in my mind they can and will hurt me, and hurt me badly. Evil nasty dirty worms. What makes it bad is that I have a daughter who thinks worms are cute and cuddly, to the extent she will buy bait worms (night crawlers) play with them, name them, and keep them as pets. I think I could have handled it better had my son had a fascination with them, but my daughter? My little princess? Now if that isn’t a slap in the face to my ego I don’t know what is.
• I am deathly afraid of Space Travel. Totally irrational, illogical, and outlandish. The chances of me traveling in outer space are less than nil, but still it terrifies me. I blame it on that stupid Schwarzenegger movie Total Recall. Actually just that one scene where him and Melina (Rachel Ticotin) are sucked outside of the building into the low atmosphere of Mars. That just totally freaked me out.
• My extreme social awkwardness leads to my fear of going into restaurants I have never been to before. Unless I am with a decent sized group of people I will not go into a new place. I can’t even begin to explain this one so I won’t even try.
• I’m not sure if this counts as a fear, well it does in a way I guess. I cannot use the bathroom if someone can hear me. I have termed it pee anxiety. Other than my kids and close family, if someone is around I cannot go, no matter how bad I have to. When I was a kid there were times all of us had to leave wherever we were and go home so I could use the bathroom. It is to the point that while in school I scout the location of the nearest most underused bathrooms everywhere on campus each semester. Scary, I know
• Being physically unable to run when necessary terrifies me. I have nightmares of trying to run and my legs simply not working, or only working in slow motion. I would like to think these dreams are manifestations of my subconscious due to health issues, but seeing as how they have been around longer than I have had a diagnosis I just don’t know
• Meeting new people is up there on the list with having a root canal, hell I would rather have the root canal than have to place myself in a social situation with strangers. I am always terrified that people are talking about me, laughing at me, etc… Whether they are or not I’ll never know so I just stay to myself and avoid situations such as that.

There you have it, a small look into my deranged and scary psyche. Please tell me I am not the only one to be afraid? Pretty please?

The Tweenager… And So It Begins

On Tuesday, my daughter, my baby, turns ten, thus entering the Tweenager phase. What the hell is a Tween/Tweenager exactly? According to Merriam-Webster it is a Pre-Teen, no more, no less. No special characteristics, no additional meanings, nothing, nada. Why then did we need a new word, a new classification? I’ll tell you why, Consumerism, nothing but sheer greed on the part of the manufacturing industry. Best way to create profit is to create “need” and what better way to create need than to create an entirely new classification of consumers. Normally I have no issue with capitalism, but when it targets those who are not fully informed nor aware they are being targeted, it annoys me greatly. However what annoys me even more is the parents who bought into this crap, for we all know very few tweenagers are independently wealthy, therefore have little purchasing power, but that doesn’t matter when mommy and daddy do and are all too interested in keeping up with the Jones’.

All I know is I am glad my beloved little girl is not materialistic (one of the benefits of being poor). She would much rather be surrounded by family and friends than piles of meaningless “stuff”. Don’t get me wrong, she wouldn’t turn down a toy or clothes if it was offered, I’m just saying she doesn’t demand things like most of the children her age I encounter. She’s not greedy, she’s not a show off, basically she’s not a spoiled brat as are so many now a days. So that leads me to my grievances regarding tween targeted marketing, and I would be shocked if I am the only one who feels this way…

• A tween has no use for a thong, or a push up bra, or anything seductive for that matter. What are the parents who buy these things thinking? “I think it’s time I started sexualizing my little girl”? WTF??? Is there anyone who can rationalize this? For that matter do people actually exist who find this type of behavior rational? If so their children, the future hookers of America, have my sympathy…
• A tween has no need to paint her face. Lip gloss yes, shimmery lotion on special occasions yes. Full out war paint? Mascara, eye liner, lipstick, blush, eye shadow??? HELL NO. She’s a little girl, not a burlesque performer. Let her enjoy being a little girl, do not let society and your need to be the “cool mom” force her to grow up before her time
• Bare midriff? Low rise Pants? String Bikinis (not normal little girl bikinis, slut bikinis)? Really? That is what you want to teach your daughter? That her value comes from how much attention she can draw with her body? And people wonder why so many girls have body issues. Just look at the way parents dress them and wonder no more
• Fake hair? Fake Nails? What’s next, breast implants? Why on gods green earth to parents project their insecurities on their offspring? WHY? Just because you aren’t satisfied with your hair or nails does NOT give you the right to pass on these insecurities to your daughter. Let her shine, let her natural beauty shine, don’t be afraid to step away from the flock and let your daughter be herself rather than the clone of every other girl with insecure parents.

I could go on and on but I am getting angry just typing this

Angry at a society who sees nothing wrong with sexualizing children as long as there is a profit in it for them

Angry at parents who see nothing wrong with forcing a child to grow up before her time just so they can keep up with the Jones’

Angry at myself for not realizing just how bad the situation was until I was forced to face it personally.

I’m just angry, but unlike most people, I will use my anger to make life hell for those intent on trying to subvert my parenting and make my daughter think that dressing and portraying herself like a street walker is a good thing. God this is gonna be fun

Busy, busy, busy

This is going to be a short one, so will tomorrows more likely than not seeing as how tomorrow is my baby’s surprise birthday party. She will turn ten Tuesday. Where the hell has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday I was still carrying her everywhere, or pushing her in a stroller. Now she is entering the dreaded “Tween” phase of her life. We didn’t have “Tweens” when I was little, we were just kids. How and the hell am I supposed to know what to do with a Tween? For that matter what the hell is a Tween? Why and the hell has society determined it has had to repackage everything in our lives to fit some narrow consumer driven label? ARGH!!!

Well anyways, I have things to do, so I am off of here to ponder who I need to exterminate for coming up with the Tween phenomenon.

I’ll probably blog a bit more about this particularly irritating subject tomorrow and my plans to eradicate it from the earth…..

Tired

I’m tired, so very very tired

I’m tired of being stressed over everything, big things, small things, everywhere I look there is something else to stress about

I’m tired of trying my best only to fall flat on my face time and time again. It seems no matter what I do I just can’t seem to get it, whatever it is, right.

I’m tired of giving people my all only to be told it’s not enough, not good enough, completely unwanted, or simply blown off.

I’m tired of having to deny my kids simple things, they shouldn’t have to hear “sorry we can’t afford it” so much that they cease to wish

I’m tired of wondering where the hell I went wrong. Where did I screw up so bad that I am where I am? What did I do to create the hell that is my life?

I’m tired of never having enough time. Not enough time for my kids. Not enough time for my friends. Not enough time for anyone. And lord knows, never any time for me.

I’m tired of falling apart. I don’t want to be sick anymore. I don’t want a body that betrays me at every turn. I don’t want to lose anymore that I already have.

I’m just tired of being tired.