Where to begin….
Life has been difficult as of late to say the least. I was evicted, lost the majority of my stuff, had to take my kids to a shelter, in short life pretty much sucked. Of course my first reaction was why me? Why is God punishing me? Am I really that bad of a person? It took me a bit to get past my pity party, my woe is me act. It took me three long demeaning days in the shelter to acknowledge and accept the wisdom which has been offered to me by several wise individuals over the course of the last year. Wisdom which I had shunned, ignored, invalidated simply because it challenged my arrogance, my ego. I hit rock bottom, and it was bad. What made it bad is the fact I took my kids down with me, and they did NOT deserve that in any way, shape, or form.
With the help of wonderful friends and mentors I am clawing my way out of the abyss. I am slowly absorbing and acting upon the wisdom which has graciously been bestowed upon me. I am releasing the irrational fears, the judgments, the arrogance which has bound me to misery. I am moving forward, slowly but surely, I am revealing my true self, becoming who I should have been all along. By no means am I there yet though, I have barely begun to scratch the surface of my future. I have so much to learn, so far to grow, so very much to discard, but I am getting there. With the guidance, compassion, and support of those around me, one day I will fulfill my destiny, achieve my goals and dreams, reach out and snag the stars…
I have begun a journey, the journey of a lifetime, stick around, this is gonna get good…..
Nope, I’m not dead…
I didn’t join a cult…
I haven’t begun my secret quest for world domination…
I did not win the lottery and get my yurt, Sherpa, and yaks…
I haven’t holed up in a remote mountain cabin and had an armed standoff with the feds…
I haven’t become a blind Obama supporter….
I have been going through a rather difficult, yet necessary, time in my life, which I hope to share once I have gained some much needed perspective. That being said, I am back, somewhat, and getting better, so don’t give up on me, k?
I got a phone call a little before one today from my daughters school. They had her sitting in the office with an ice pack on her wrist, they were worried it was broken. The school secretary informed me that mini had hurt it on the wall (wtf??), and that it just didn’t look right to her. So of course I was one my way. After a few unsuccessful phone calls trying to score a ride I headed out for the bus. Luckily timing was on my side, and that the nearest route to me goes directly to her school. Within 20 minutes of leaving the house I was on my way. I was terrified the entire time, always thinking the worst. After getting off the bus I all but ran to the school office, and there she way, my precious Ana. Sitting there not grimacing in pain, but smiling and greeting me with a cheerful “Hi Mom!”
After gathering her things, speaking with the secretary and signing her out, off we went to catch a bus to the ER to have her wrist checked out. Almost immediately upon leaving the building I confronted her, I said “Now tell me what really happened…” That is when the truth came out. She had been playing on the playground, chasing and being chased, when she accidentally clotheslined a boy in her class, a boy who had been teasing her… She still claims it was an accident and I still have my doubts…
Anyways, turns out she bruised the bone pretty good, but thankfully there is no break. However they did give her an ace bandage to commemorate her battle wound, an extremely bright purple ace bandage at that…..
Ms Ana showing off her royal purple battle dressing...
Once we left the ER she expressed her disappointment and not having a break or a cast, stating that “this doesn’t beat my 13 stitches” After that I told her at least it doesn’t hurt as bad as a break would which caused her to roll her eyes and vehemently state “No Pain, No Gain!!!” Luckily for me in the end she was able to overlook her disappointment because of how cool the purple ace bandage looked….
In the midst of my craptastic life I find myself witnessing rays of sunshine everywhere… My daughter and son topping the list of the bright spots. Today my son turns 17 and while that makes me feel old as hell, the joy he has brought me over the years is beyond compare. As for my daughter, well just watch and you’ll see (:
I couldn’t help myself, this is for you, my darling little stalker, although I truly doubt you will grasp the delicious irony of it (:
Oh, and no, just like everyone else, I don’t want to marry you lol
Not much to say today, had a nice afternoon with the little one at the park. Gorgeous weather, especially for April, felt more like June. Anyways Ana had a blast as did George…
Meet George..
The day was so gorgeous even her hands were smiling...
Today was a light day at school for her. They got to dress down due to the campus clean up they were doing in honor of Earth Day, so it was an extra treat when we continued her outdoor activities with a stop at the park on the way home. If only I could convince her that gathering sticks for a bonfire in a city park is pointless. However whenever I point it out to her she always responds with…. “Well how am I supposed to cook the bird for dinner then?”
What I wouldn’t give to recapture the imagination of a child. The days were so much simpler then. I just hope she hold onto it as long as she possibly can, for reality is often dirty and painful. Oh well, she’s young, she’s happy, she shares her joy with everyone, that’s all that really matters isn’t it?
Prom season is upon us once again, time for our young people to blow exorbitant amounts of money on a single night. To buy dresses they will never wear again, to dance to music that will make them cringe in a few years, to rent limos, hotel rooms, etc… all in the hopes of impressing (and possibly scoring with) that special someone. Ah to be young again….
Anyways…
For me Prom Season means one thing, Duck Tape. Yep, you read correctly, I said Duck Tape. All over America the creative among our youth, the innovative, the ones who think outside the box, dedicate themselves to creating the perfect prom outfit(s) completely made of Duck Tape. It isn’t just for show either, over $20,000 in scholarship money is up for grabs too. The creativity and hard work exhibited by the individuals daring enough to be different is astounding. Kinda makes me wish I wasn’t too old for Prom now…
Here are a few of my favorites from over the years…
Stuck At Prom is not only an excellent way for young adults to showcase their creativity and assert themselves as individuals but it can be quite lucrative as well for those who are wondering just how they will pay for college. I can’t wait until my little one is old enough for prom, neither can she for she is already designing the Duck Tape Gown of her dreams…..
Silence is golden, or so they say. Biting ones tongue rather than expressing ones thoughts, opinions, feelings, etc… is looked upon as a sign of maturity. Holding back what one feels has become the socially acceptable norm it would seem. Society frowns upon displays of emotion, it is as if joy or sorrow, pain or pleasure, love or hate, all of them should be kept under lock and key so to speak. Shielded from the prying eyes of others. Why? When did we become so disdainful of human emotion? When did we lose our sense of empathy? I want to share my joy, share my love, share my hopes and dreams. I want others to share theirs as well. I fully accept that by wanting to share the positives with and of others means I must share the sorrows, frustrations, and pains as well. I am willing to do that though, for I fully embrace my empathy, my humanity, my soul. Locking away what one feels is not healthy nor wise. Putting on a stoic mask and portraying oneself as emotionless only serves to separate one from society, to further isolate the individual. We are all in this together, it’s far past time we started acting like it.
Share your joy, share your grief, I will laugh with you, I will be the shoulder you can cry on.
Share your dreams, share your nightmares, I will encourage you, I will soothe you.
Share yourself with the world and the the world share itself with you. No one is an island, no one can exist in pure solitude. Let others in, let others erase the silence in your soul.
Back to the daily grind, not altogether welcome either. Spring break officially ended at 6:30 this morning. While I will welcome the peace and quiet around the house, I will not welcome the fact that the evil glowing orb is now taking precedence over the magical beautiful moon… But that’s a story for another day. Today it was back to the grind as I said, back the the trek to the bus stop, and as usual my walk with the little one was quite entertaining….
I was a bit perturbed as we left the house to see that the seasons are changing and the evil glowing sky orb is coming earlier and earlier every day. Instead of the usual darkness which shrouds our morning walk I was confronted with the dreaded lightening sky. Matters weren’t helped by Ana letting me know how disappointed she was in the tooth fairy. Too bad the tooth fairy wasn’t aware that her services were needed last night. Luckily as Ana described stuffing the envelope containing her tooth into her dog pillow I was struck with inspiration. I quickly and emphatically explained to her the Tooth Fairy’s utter fear of dogs. I pointed out to her that the Tooth Fairy was so mistrustful of dogs the mere thought of sticker her hand in one to grab her bounty and leave a reward terrified her to her very core. Begrudgingly she accepted my explanation and was soon distracted by the fact I had beef jerky money, so all was well…
Once we arrived at the bus stop Ana assumed her customary perch on the inner curb (far away from the street) and began what I have come to view as her morning broadcast. Who needs NBC when you have a Mini? Today’s commentary was brought to you by the changing of the seasons, which allowed for Ana’s in depth analysis of the cloud formations. The first one she spotted was the Turtle Dragon. As my back was turned to her view I was a bit dumbfounded when she started rambling about Turtle Dragons, which frustrated my little one to no end. After an exasperated sigh and obligatory eye roll she said “The clouds MOM, that one right there looks like a turtle dragon”… Of course not willing to draw her ire any further I turned around and had a look. Wouldn’t you know it, it did look like a turtle with the tail of an oriental dragon. As I was contemplating how wonderful it must be to have such a vivid imagination as my daughter enjoys, she began pointing out other formations she saw, starting with… “That one looks like a socket wrench”. Bless her little grease monkey heart, that made my day, lol. Unfortunately the winds in the upper atmosphere began to pick up at that point, all but destroying the new found sky art… But it all worked out for the bus was turning the corner and it was time for her to leave. After my standard kiss and hug I bade her goodbye as she ran off to board the bus.
As I was walking home I caught a glimpse of a beautiful sunrise and chastised myself for not bringing my camera along. I know, I could have taken a picture with my phone, however recent experience has shown me I would be sorely disappointed with the results so I didn’t bother. I was almost all the way home when I happened to glance down and saw my little friend….
Such a cute little guy, I so wanted to take him home
From the picture I doubt you can tell what the hell it is, so to stop any confusion, it’s a small snake. I really wish the camera on my cell was better, he had such a beautiful patten on his skin, muted, yet striking at the same time… I wanted to bring him home with me, unfortunately I had no where to put him, plus I doubted he would have enjoyed captivity so I let him be….
For all the havoc wrecked by the evil glowing sky orb it has been a decent morning, lets just hope it keeps up….
