Where to begin….
Life has been difficult as of late to say the least. I was evicted, lost the majority of my stuff, had to take my kids to a shelter, in short life pretty much sucked. Of course my first reaction was why me? Why is God punishing me? Am I really that bad of a person? It took me a bit to get past my pity party, my woe is me act. It took me three long demeaning days in the shelter to acknowledge and accept the wisdom which has been offered to me by several wise individuals over the course of the last year. Wisdom which I had shunned, ignored, invalidated simply because it challenged my arrogance, my ego. I hit rock bottom, and it was bad. What made it bad is the fact I took my kids down with me, and they did NOT deserve that in any way, shape, or form.
With the help of wonderful friends and mentors I am clawing my way out of the abyss. I am slowly absorbing and acting upon the wisdom which has graciously been bestowed upon me. I am releasing the irrational fears, the judgments, the arrogance which has bound me to misery. I am moving forward, slowly but surely, I am revealing my true self, becoming who I should have been all along. By no means am I there yet though, I have barely begun to scratch the surface of my future. I have so much to learn, so far to grow, so very much to discard, but I am getting there. With the guidance, compassion, and support of those around me, one day I will fulfill my destiny, achieve my goals and dreams, reach out and snag the stars…
I have begun a journey, the journey of a lifetime, stick around, this is gonna get good…..
Nope, I’m not dead…
I didn’t join a cult…
I haven’t begun my secret quest for world domination…
I did not win the lottery and get my yurt, Sherpa, and yaks…
I haven’t holed up in a remote mountain cabin and had an armed standoff with the feds…
I haven’t become a blind Obama supporter….
I have been going through a rather difficult, yet necessary, time in my life, which I hope to share once I have gained some much needed perspective. That being said, I am back, somewhat, and getting better, so don’t give up on me, k?
Almost every website you register yourself with, whether it is a social network, a discussion forum, and art site, etc… has a place, or several places, for you to pontificate about yourself, the customary “About Me” section… For me it is a place to showcase my particular brand of insanity. My loves and hates, my hopes, my dreams, my quest for complete and utter world domination…
People think I’m joking when I talk about taking over the world, at least at first, however they quickly realize I am completely serious. One day, with the help of my flying monkeys, ninja attack penguins, acid spitting llamas, and my faithful army of minions I shall conquer earth. No worries though, I will be a kind and benevolent ruler, a Czarina for the ages… The only ones who should fear my wrath are the sheep among us, the blind lemmings who continually follow each other off the cliff. I guess if you really wanted to, one could trace my quest back to Pinky and the Brain, For the Magnificent Brain is my idol, my hero so to speak.
The tenacity of that big-headed little mouse has inspired me, galvanized my spirit. Perhaps the kinship I feel is due to the fact we both share the physical characteristic of abnormally large craniums. Perhaps it is simply that neither of us has a tolerance for purposeful ignorance. Who knows… What I do know is one day, one day soon, I will take over the world and I will eradicate stupidity from the face of the earth…
Anyways… Taking over the world, while it is probably one of my more grandiose stratagem, it is by no means my only plot… I have many hopes and dreams…. Such as a slushie machine of my very own and 50 gallon drums of RockStar Zero Carb to fill it with. Or as mentioned yesterday Great Dahuahuas for everyone!! Of course we can’t forget bacon either, bacon for everyone, crispy crumbly bacon…. Mmmm… Bacon…. Where was I? Oh yeah dreams…. I have tons of plans for my future, some realistic but far away.. ie… Getting my PhD, some intangible such as finding true and lasting happiness. Still others such as my Quest for World Domination which while definitely doable, will take carefully planning and intense preparation. One day I shall have achieved all my goals, then will look back on a fruitful and productive life and remember to thank Brain for all he did, and all he inspired me to do….
“There’s a tendency today to absolve individuals of moral responsibility and treat them as victims of social circumstance. You buy that, you pay with your soul. It’s not men who limit women, it’s not straights who limit gays, it’s not whites who limit blacks. What limits people is lack of character. What limits people is that they don’t have the fucking nerve or imagination to star in their own movie, let alone direct it.”
~Tom Robbins~
I came across this quote earlier today while I was perusing Facebook. The blunt honesty contained within it was like a slap in the face, a wake up call so to speak. No matter how you twist it, Robbins speaks the truth, we are only limited by ourselves, no matter what excuses we try to make. If we aren’t where we want to be we have only ourselves to blame. It’s not easy to hear, but then again the truth rarely is. We as a society have come to accept excuses instead of action… “I can’t advance because people are bigoted against women/Latinos/gays/etc…”, “It’s not my fault the man is holding me back”, “they’re holding me back, they don’t want me to better myself, they won’t allow me to rise”…. And so on and so forth. Nothing but excuse after excuse. Never stepping back and stopping to think, what am I doing wrong? How am I holding myself back? Self introspection is hard but necessary if one wishes to succeed. Personal responsibility, holding oneself accountable for ones actions are not meaningless phrases, they are a way of life for those who wish to achieve their goals, to live their dreams.
If you want to go somewhere in your life stop limiting yourself, stop blaming others for your laziness, for your apathy, for your lack of accountability. No matter how the chips fall you are still in charge of your own destiny. So instead of looking for even more excuses how about we all get off our collective asses and live up to our potential for a change? Can you imagine just how amazing this world would be if we did? Stop whining, bitching, moaning, and blaming. It’s time for us all to reach for the sky…..
It has been said that beauty is found in they eye of the beholder, subjective to the individual. For the most part I have to agree, however my eye seems far more subjective than most. I find beauty where others see none and fail to find the beauty in society’s take on beauty. Perhaps it is due to not feeling that I measure up to society’s standards of beauty, who knows, that is neither here nor there. The simple fact is, I am able to find beauty all around me, where others cannot, which I consider to be a blessing. My constant roving eye is one of the main reasons I almost always have my camera with me, ready to capture the stark glory of the otherwise mundane.
Unfortunately my camera doesn’t always quench my thirst for beauty which is why I do my best to create beauty as well. I love to sketch, I absolutely adore it. A pad of newsprint, a stash of charcoal and a kneaded eraser will keep me busy until my fingers are cramping with exhaustion, and quite often beyond that point. I also love to create wearable art. A spool of beading wire/twine, a vast assortment of seed beads and a beading loom sets me off on creating designs that will blow your mind. Unfortunately due to monetary constraints at the present time both of the aforementioned diversions are out of my reach. So I have kept myself busy with other pseudo-artistic pursuits. My most recent being the manipulation of fractals into abstract versions of everyday objects then converting them into brushes for gimp which is a freeware image manipulation program, in other words, the poor mans Photoshop. However after the creation of five brush packs my enthusiasm for that has fizzled somewhat.
Unable to squelch my creativity for long, I started playing around in gimp trying my hand at digital art. I quickly found that while I may be extremely adept with a piece of charcoal, a mouse and a computer screen are far, far different from freehand sketching on some newsprint. That being said, until I am able to procure a tablet and pressure sensitive stylus, I must forgo my typical pursuit of realism and instead try my hand at something new, the realm of the abstract. So without any further ado I present to you my first attempts at digital abstract art….
Alone
My interpretation of a solitary moonlit night upon the water
Burst
My interpretation of the sun fading fast into the watery horizon
While these pieces are by no means good enough to call art, at least not compared to what I consider art, I am quite happy with the results for my first venture into the medium. Perhaps I shall continue on this track, perhaps not, but I do know that for the moment my thirst to create beauty in this beholders eye has been quenched.
Usually when I write, at some point a song comes to me which in my eyes embraces whatever topic I am pontificating on at the moment. However for the first time I have come across a song which has inspired me to write. Well, maybe that’s not the best way to put it, I’ve come across a song which has inspired me to rant and rage, to scream and vent, to dump my frustrations on the unsuspecting masses. That being said, Away we go….
It pisses me off when people can’t be bothered to do what is right. They would rather sit on their asses and do nothing because it’s easier, not better, not smarter, EASIER. The easy way is rarely the best path, or even a good path, it’s simply the easy path. People need to stop taking the easy way out and do what needs to be done, what is right, simple as that.
It pisses me off when parents don’t do their job. Look, you had the child, therefore the child is your responsibility. DO your job dammit!! Stop letting them run wild, stop making excuses for them, stop blaming everyone else for the fact you are a lousy parent. Teach your children respect, empathy, compassion. Teach them to treat others as they wish to be treated. LOVE THEM. Stop treating them as an inconvenience.
It pisses me off that people bitch and complain about anything and everything yet are not willing to do a damn thing to change what is bothering them. I may bitch and rant and rage, however it is not all I do. I actively work to change what I see as wrong. I don’t just sit around crying and complaining about stupid people, I actively try to fix those I come across. I not only spew vitriol directed at incompetent politicians, I work to get them the hell out of office. Words are meaningless without actions to back them up. Stop spouting off about change, instead get off your ass and make it happen.
It pisses me off that people refuse to see the problems with our public education system, or when they do all they can do is pass the buck so to speak. We are raising generation after generation of idiots. Kids who can’t read, don’t know how to write a paragraph, can’t do long division without a calculator. Kids who have no idea why WWII was fought, let alone able to locate the Middle East on a map. Children who have no Idea what Fe is, who don’t know if a frog is a mammal or an amphibian. How the hell can America survive when we are mass producing mindless imbeciles? Teachers blame the students, the parents, lack of money. Parents blame the teachers, the administrators, other students. Society blames the children, the parents, the teachers. Blame, blame, blame…. That’s all we ever hear, no one ever takes responsibility, they simply pass it off onto someone else. Everyone is to blame, the students, the parents, the teachers, the administrators, society as a whole. Until we make education a priority, a privilege rather than merely a right, nothing will change, not one damn thing.
It pisses me off when people are too lazy to think for themselves. That they would rather let someone else tell them what to believe, who to support, what they should feel, etc…. We were given brains for a reason, Stop sitting on yours and USE IT!! Think for yourself, stand up for what you believe in, not for what someone else tells you to believe in. Stop acting like a mindless lemming. Grow some cajones and stop being an ignorant sheep.
It pisses me off that we as Americans have let a group of malignant narcissists divide us, turn us against each other, all in the name of being the better party, the party that truly cares. FYI !!! NONE OF THEM CARE ABOUT YOU!! They care about themselves and those who line their pockets. If they truly cared about the American people they would bust their asses working together to find solutions to the problems facing our country. But they don’t, they run around spewing BS rhetoric slapping worthless little band aids on the problems they have created.
It pisses me off that people don’t care, that they are completely oblivious to the plight of those around them. The apathy they display knows no bounds. Instead of reaching out, offering a helping hand, it is always someone elses responsibility. Whatever happened to the golden rule? “Treat others as you wish to be treated”? When did it become all about you and only you? How can we help ourselves if we can’t be bothered to help others? Stop thinking it’s the churches job, the government’s job, IT IS YOUR JOB! As a member of the human race it is your responsibility to look out for your fellow man. Stop pretending you are the only one that matters in the world, trust me, you’re NOT!
It pisses me off that people are so damn self righteous and judgmental. Who in the same hell gave you the right to judge others simple because they do not act as you do? Believe as you do? Feel as you do? Who died and made you the morality police? Where do people get off judging others in any way shape or form? Seriously? Get off your high freaking horse and realize you are no better than anyone else, no matter what your simple mind thinks. Instead of looking down on others why not help them up? Raise them up to a level where they can be all they aspire to be. Stop holding them down out of fear, loathing, or whatever other petty reason you may have.
It pisses me off that more people aren’t pissed off. How can you sit there and just let our world fall apart? How can you sit there and judge others while refusing to see yourself through the same lens of condemnation? How can you not care? I just don’t get it, I really don’t.
As you can see… I’M PISSED OFF!! Everyone should be pissed off, pissed off at themselves, pissed off at society, pissed off at what humanity has dissolved into. Anger has its place in the world, we simply need to harness it and use it in a productive manner. If you can’t find the passion to be pissed off for yourself, be pissed off for your kids, for your family, for your friends. We all know people who could be aided by the rest of us harnessing our anger and using it to fix the world. Isn’t it about time we did so?
I’ve been writing so many personal posts lately, opinionated pieces ranting at the world, emotional writings as I attempt to find my place in the world, pretty much anything that has touched me, or touched a nerve with me. In a way I feel like I have strayed from my intent in starting this blog. While I know I began with no set direction, I feel as if I should have made more of an effort to inform rather than opine. So today I thought about what issues I believe the populace is most uninformed about, and boy did I come up with a list. There are so many issues in play today that peoples only exposure to is what they hear on the boob tube. How can you formulate an intelligent opinion on anything if the only exposure you have had is someone elses biased opinion? Where are the facts, the evidence, the statistics? Rhetoric and talking points make for easy listening, however they do not make for informed choices nor opinions.
That being said I have decided to make a concentrated effort to post more informative pieces. Pieces sourced to enable the reader easier access to research so that they no longer must rely on anothers biased opinion when making a decision. I will strive to cite unbiased sources when I can, however I will make sure to note any which lean a particular direction so that one can go into their research knowing that what they read may not be 100% impartial. I will try to not only explain the facts and details behind every issue but also expose the rhetoric so many have accepted as truth.
So far I have a few ideas which I personally would like to cover, but am open to any suggestions anyone may have.
Here’s what I have plans for…
Second Amendment/Gun Control :: What freedoms does the second amendment actually give the citizenry, what limits are in place, pertinent SCOTUS rulings, pending legislation, talking points and rhetoric used by both sides of the issue to sway voters.
Higher Education :: What it takes to obtain a college education, costs to obtain a degree, ability to achieve once in college, disparity in enrollments among different socioeconomic subgroups, facts not fiction as to the ease/lack of ease with which it can be done
Government Sponsored Social Programs :: Who and how they serve, how much is spent, how fraud effects them, reforms of the past and their outcome, separating the truth from the tale tales in regards to what the parties state.
Campaign Reform :: How political campaigns are currently run and financed, the use of advertisements, funding limits, clarity and transparency of the process, lack of motivation among politicians.
As I stated above, these are just a few of the topics I am going to attempt to cover. They are all important issues in America today, some of them elsewhere as well. While this is by no means an all inclusive list, it gives me somewhere to start. Unfortunately each entry will take a bit of time for I honestly plan to make sure each is as factual as possible with all necessary sources to back it up. So since I will not be mass producing these by any means I will get probably one out per week if I am lucky. In the meantime In will continue to post rants, tirades, tearjerkers, and more likely than not some humorous writings as well seeing as how my life can be one big joke at times. Hopefully you will all bear with me through my growing pains, I promise I will do my best to make it worth it.
While I can be a prolific writer at times, three separate blog entries in one day is a record of sorts for me. I don’t know why I am writing yet again, other than some weird compulsion to cast my thoughts into written words. The problem is, I am not fully aware of what it is I am being seemingly driven to write about. While there is a somewhat foggy sensation of a topic somewhere in the back of my head, I cannot see it clearly nor decipher what it is, yet. So I figure I will write a bit in hopes of unlocking my thoughts or at least cleaning away a bit of the fog surrounding them. Perhaps this desire to pontificate is in part due to the fact I had such a great day. A normal day, but great nevertheless. Nothing spectacular happened, didn’t go anywhere amazing, simply spent the day at home, with the kids, doing typical Sunday stuff. Maybe that’s why it was so great, because it was so normal, so average, so everyday. No drama, no stress, no negativity whatsoever. Lord knows I have been in dire need of a day like today. Well what do you know, I know what to write. Off we go…
As anyone who follows my blog knows, I have been up and down more than a yo-yo lately, through it all though there have been those around me who have done all they can to reach out and steady me, keep me from staying down. For that I am grateful. However there is one in particular who has gone far above and beyond regular friendship. One who has made it their mission to make sure I am alright, taking time out of their life to pull me back, rein me in, keep me out of harms way. Someone who refuses to allow me to think the worst. Whether it be the worst of the situation, the worst of others, or most importantly the worst of myself. I have no clue why I have been blessed to have someone this amazing in my life, but I am beyond grateful. The problem is, how do you repay such kindness, such compassion? How do you thank someone for giving you strength when yours was lacking, hope when yours was obscured by darkness, compassion to sooth your soul? A simple thank you just won’t cut it, not by a long shot.
I think I have it figured out though, I think I have realized how to repay the kindness shown to me over and over again. What I will do, what I must do, is be the person inside, the person they see me to be, the person beneath the layers of disdain, self loathing, cowardice. That is not to say I will change who I am, for I will not, I will simply do my best to be the real me that they uncovered through their sheer force of will and never-ending tenacity. The person that they see when they look at me, not the shell I have become to myself. I’m sure I will slip, lose my way, but I am just as positive they will be there to pick me up, dust me off, get me back on the path and moving forward again. I only hope one day they realize just how much they mean to me and how eternally gratefully I am to have them in my life.
Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think
~Christopher Robin to Winnie The Pooh~
Have you ever noticed some of the simplest, yet most apt, life lessons are found in children’s literature? Case in point, the above quote written by A.A. Milne speaking through Christopher Robin. At that age, this is inherent knowledge to us. We have yet to feel the boundaries society, family, friends, etc… place upon us in the name of protecting us, keeping us grounded. It is the age when we still believe we can do anything. We can be Superman. Unfortunately, society does not want Supermen, it does not want those who believe they can be anything they want. Society has gone from being people working together towards a common goal, to a group of jealous, petty individuals who cannot stand to see someone other than themselves succeed. God forbid, someone works hard and achieves more than you. God forbid someone knows more than you. God forbid someone isn’t afraid of their own shadow and ventures out into the real world to challenge themselves and the preconceived notions of others. Screw this, society can kiss my ass. That being said, lets start at the top…
Bravery is not lack of fear, for even the bravest man is afraid at times. Bravery is the act of facing your fears, looking them straight in the eye and overcoming them as best you can. Bravery is not about being tough, being a “manly man”, bravery is about overcoming obstacles no matter how daunting they may seem. Fear is normal, everyone is afraid at times, what separates the strong from the weak is the desire to overcome, to work around, to eliminate the fear. Going through life afraid is not living, it is nothing more than merely existing. Existence isn’t enough, it can’t be enough. We are so so much more than just a blob of carbon taking up space, we are all here for a reason, never forget that.
Strength is not merely a physical attribute, but more often than not that is what comes to mind when we picture a strong person. Straining muscles, massive bulk, sweating, all images we associate with strength. All too often we overlook inner strength, the quiet resoluteness possessed by those who are driven to overcome anything in their path. Being strong does not always appear as what it is. Walking away from a bad situation is strength, fighting it out is not. Continuing on when all seems lost is the forte of the strong. We never know just how truly powerful we are until we are brought to our knees. Then true strength reveals itself.
Intelligence is a gift, a gift which is squandered by far too many. Intelligence isn’t getting good grades, scoring high on a test, getting into the best schools. There are millions of intelligent people who never went to college, never did well in school, never had the opportunities to be accepted by society as intelligent. True intelligence lies in putting what we have learned into action. Using our gifts to help others. Intelligence is not looking down on someone simple because they do not have the honors you have received. It is not telling someone they are stupid because they do not know how to do something. Those who are truly intelligent use their gifts in ways to not only promote themselves, but uplift those around them. Those who feel the need to look down upon others for not having achieved the same levels of so called success as they did are not intelligent, and they know it. It is why they act as self-important as they do, because they know they have nothing real to back up their bluster, their bravado.
Bravery, Strength, Intelligence. We all possess these attributes, each to a differing degree depending on the individual in question, but they are there make no doubt about it. What we need now is to embrace these qualities, bring them forth to share with the world. No longer hide them under a basket, away from the eyes of others simply because we have been conditioned by a callous, jealous, petty society to do so. I want to witness your bravery. I want to marvel at your strength. I want to sit in awe of your intelligence. I hope that I can inspire the same desire in you. For if we all were to celebrate the capability of each other rather than condemning our world would be a much better place for everyone. I will do my part, the rest is up to you…
Nature gives to every time and season some beauties of its own; and from morning to night, as from the cradle to the grave, it is but a succession of changes so gentle and easy that we can scarcely mark their progress.
~Charles Dickens
Change is inevitable, sometimes it happens by choice, other times without warning, but no matter what, it’s going to happen. I began this blog a bit over two years ago, but took a serious hiatus twice since then, and another minor one recently. In that time so much has changed it’s not even funny. Friends have come and gone, my children have grown, my life has gone though countless ups and downs, yet I am still here, still writing, albeit with a new drive. While the changes I have gone through have not all been easy, they were necessary to get me where I am, and will continue to be necessary to get me where I am going. We shall see what the future has in store for me…
Anyways, if you are a regular reader of my blog you may have noticed what to me is a fairly drastic change with my blog itself, ie… the new theme. I have no idea what was behind my desire for a change, I just know I felt strongly about finding something different. I did keep my darkness though as you can see, lol. So far the feedback I have received has been extremely positive which surprised me because I felt immediately wary when I saw the new layout active on my blog. However seeing as how thus far I am the only one who feels this way I think I will leave it as is for the time being.
