Good Freaking Lord…..

Wow, nothing like a forced hiatus to make you see just how dependent you have become on technology, in my case the internet. As you may have noticed I did not keep to my new years resolution, in fact I am over three weeks behind on its fulfillment. Unfortunately due to some extremely tight financial constraints my internet was off for the past three weeks or so. Let me tell you, I have never read so much in my entire life, and if I never again see Majong Titans it will be far too soon. While being netless did have its share of issues, not being able to check the kids school reports or email being some of the most troublesome, in some ways it seems like it was a blessing in disguise. It made me reevaluate just what I wanted to spend my time on the computer doing, what was actually “worth it” so to speak. That being said, here are the high points of what I realized…..

• Very few of the people I considered friends online are friends, rather they showed they are disposable simply by disposing of me in my absence.
• Of those remaining many are simply acquaintances rather then friends as evidenced by their actions.
• While the internet can be a good thing, far too much time is wasted by far too many people (myself included) on far too much worthless crap.
• You’re never as savvy as you think you are, people have ulterior motives online more often than not.
• Virtual friends are no substitute for those who are there for you regardless of what your online status is.

While I will continue to write my blog, and yes I will start to make up for the missing posts as well, I have decided that it would be far healthier, at least emotionally, to limit my exposure to the vast unwashed internet masses. I seem to attract the kooks unfortunately and it is far past time for me to weed them out. On that note, happy surfing my lovelies….

#LosingMyVirginity

The third day of the new year has descended upon us. What to do, what to do …..

I figured it was past time to stop dabbling and jump in with both feet. Resolution number two here I come….

Lord almighty was I unprepared.

Today I lost my virginity. It was not the gentle, romantic, sweet deflowering you read of in romance novels. It was a brutal, in your face destruction of the cherry. I was not prepared for the force with which it was taken from me, not prepared for the in your face aspect of it, the audience, the lack of gentleness, I could go on and on, but you get the picture. Simply put, it was brutal and somewhat terrifying, God I loved it. I am now fully immersed in the sensations of Twitter…

(WTF did you think I was talking about?)

I always thought Twitter was a strange beast, I mean how could anyone fit anything meaningful or worthwhile into 140 characters? It’s just not possible… Or is it? Or better yet, is that the point? Mind you, I have had a Twitter account for a bit now, I’ve just rarely used it. In fact I have Tweeted more today than I have in the entire time I have had a Twitter. I never saw the point, nor the allure for that matter, of tweeting. However I decided, well more like resolved, to give it an actual go, to try until failure or success was a definite rather than a possibility.  You see one of my resolution was to tweet everyday with the sole purpose of annoying people, something I not only enjoy, but excel at. I figured as vast as the Twitter universe is I would have no problem becoming an annoying thorn in the side of the nation, the world, hell quite possibly the universe. Kinda like that little kid down the block who shows up on your doorstep every Saturday morning at 7 am begging you to come out and play, you know the one mom always made you play with, even though he was really weird? That one. Suffice to say, I was in for one hell of a shock.

I logged into my Twitter account today (well technically today, but most people would consider it late late last night), after hunting down the password of course, and looked around. All the customizations I had applied initially were still there, so I was feeling at ease. I figured why not start by informing the Twitterverse of my twisted cruel intentions, to drive them insane with my annoying posts, so I did. Well that was easy I thought, now I just have to sit back and wait for people to be annoyed. So I waited. And waited some more… And my happy ass kept on waiting….. So I decided to post another Tweet, then another, still NOTHING! Apparently I have no clue as to how the Twitterverse functions, not in the least. So being the Uber Nerd that I am, I did what anyone in my situation would do. I Googled a solution…. What follows is a brief synopsis of what I learned on Google About Twitter and Tweeting.

• Popularity is NOT a given, even for someone as witty as I 
• Until you have followers, popularity is NOT possible
• Without followers it is NOT possible to annoy anyone other than yourself
• You must follow in order to be followed
• Citing Trending Topics (TT’s) (WTF?!?) in your Tweet is the easiest, but not easy, way to get followers
• Patience is not only a virtue, but a necessity for anyone who wants to be a successful Tweeter

Clasping my new found knowledge tightly in my greedy little grasp I felt ready to conquer the Twitterverse. I knew that shortly I would be annoying the world and beyond… I started by figuring out just what a Trending Topic was, then where I could find them. Once I did that I felt prepared to Win, and Win on a Charlie Sheen level. I picked one I felt closest too, a political one, Iowa Caucus to be exact. So I tweeted about Darling Rick Santorum. The very man columnist Dan Savage named a sexual byproduct for. I pondered what hope the Republican party has if that idiot is considered a frontrunner.  Unfortunately in my eagerness to become a famous tweeter, I neglected to post the trending tag exactly as written so my tweet failed and failed miserably. And here I was deluded by Googled into thinking I had all the secrets and tools needed for success. Yeah, well, WRONG AGAIN!

After much trial and error I am slowly learning the ropes of Twitter. Instead of taking the Twitterverse by storm I am staggering around like a drunken hooker on her way home from a drug fueled gang bang. It’s okay though, I will do this, slowly but surely I will become a Tweeter to be reckoned with, and until then I will simply enjoy annoying myself then taking it out on poor misguided unsuspecting Tweeters

@Xavasia Twitter Will Me MINE! Muahahahaha!!!!